THE 12 STEPS FOR ARCHIEHOLICS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over our craving for the Crumpet - that our lives had become unmanageable.
It is with deepest shame that I admit to lurking for several hours on the A&E Cast and Main Boards without ever saying a word. Remember, “awareness” is half the battle!! (and it's not like they knew I was there or anything........).
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Prayed for Divine Guidance and experienced blessed relief for 2 whole hours..... then just had to sneak a peek at Archieology 101 - Hey, Episode 6 could be posted at any minute!!! J
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power (HP) as we understood It.
Steadfastly agreed to allow my HP to determine the fate of my addiction..... as long as my HP can wear Navy Blue pants with brown leather boots and white frilly shirts. (Since this IS HP we are talking about here, no hats required!!!) and remember this is MY Higher Power and he can be anyone I want him to be!!!
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Took a really good look at how many hours per day I was whiling away looking at Archie screencaps & related tidbits. After frightening myself, I vowed to cut back to only 20 hours a day within a 24 hour period. (Surely that's enough to start off with!!!) (Don't want to have DT's) and the Archie Patch hasn't arrived yet in the mail...... sure hope it comes in a plain brown wrapper!
5. Admitted to HP, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Emailed Catherine and asked her tell me what a really bad (dysfunctional) person I am for daydreaming about a coffee plantation in Barbados and having impure thoughts about a certain British Lt. Oh, also mentioned this bad habit to HP, but he was busy personally answering his fan mail. He didn't seem nearly as shocked as I expected him to be......I mean, I thought he might say something like “Good God!!!!” (see the Retribution scene where Archie ogles the couple playing kissy face).
6. Were entirely ready to have Higher Power remove all these defects of character.
Well, after thinking about it for a bit, decided I have not reached rock bottom after all, and besides, I can always come back to this one.
7. Humbly asked HP to remove our shortcomings.
My HP is such a sweetie that he said, “No Problemo”! (That's all the Spanish he knows!!) But he is reading a book called “Don Quixote” that some Duchess gave to his friend in another life - Horatio something or other.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Well, it's mainly just torture daydreams involving guillotines and Jack Simpson and Moncoutant. (OK, Mariette got a few nasty looks from me, too.) Oh, OK!! I really disliked Hobbs at first, but he does have some redeeming qualities.........it just took me a while to see them.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Actually, 3 of them are dead, which means I really don't have to worry too much about this step. (And no, I had nothing to do with that...) Oh, yeah..... Hobbs. I'll have to think about that one. Really think we should be more concerned about Styles' behavior here; after all, he's the one who actually spit on him.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
I am constantly realizing I am wrong for racing to work every day to log onto the net and see what's new on the Crumpet, the fanfics, the message boards, those great websites, those glorious screencaps, but I just can't stop doing it.....
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with HP as we understood it, praying only for knowledge of HP's will for us and the power to carry that out.
I am trying daily, no hourly, not to think about the Crumpet. I will instead think about my Higher Power (who bears a really odd resemblance to the aforementioned Crumpet). Maybe this recovery thing won't be so tough after all!
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Archieholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Since I am now officially recovering from the dreaded Archieholism, I feel it is my doo-ty to warn other Newbies away from this addiction. They are just so vulnerable when they look at those Sapphire Bullets and gorgeous flowing hair extensions, not to mention those Dark Blue Navy pants that I can't seem to stop talking about....... Uh, oh.... think it's time I made another AA (Archieholics Anonymous) meeting. Actually this addiction is so cunning, baffling and just plain delightful, I don't think I'll ever give it up..... but just don't tell my HP....... he's staring off vacantly and looks so sweet that I just couldn't bear to disappoint him!!!
(Thanks to Loje for the porthole image!)