EXAMINATIONS
This site IS meant to be educational, after all ...
"The unexamined life is not worth living," as some famous philosopher-type person once remarked -- and who am I to disagree? Here for your pleasure (or pain, depending on your reactions to test-taking) are some self-assessment tools for evaluating your expertise in Archieology:
TEST YOUR A.Q. (ARCHIE QUOTIENT)
In keeping with the noble tradition of the SATs, these are multiple-choice tests. Now, you may think some of the answers are highly subjective. But as it is mathematically impossible to completely eliminate bias from even standardized tests, why bother?
HH1
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HH2
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for the test
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for the test
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SCORING
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SCORING
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0 - 3: OLDROYD LEVEL
Your heart's in the right place, but you might want to hit the DVDs a bit more.
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0 - 3: RANDALL LEVEL
Stick with interpretive dancing!
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4 - 7: HORATIO LEVEL
You have excellent analytical skills, but the emotional factor in this test may be
throwing you off a bit.
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4 - 7: BUSH LEVEL
Not very quick on the uptake, but you'll figure things out eventually.
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8 - 10: AN "A" FOR ARCHIE
Congratulations! You are firmly in touch with your "inner Archie"!
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8 - 10: AN "A" FOR ARCHIE
Congratulations! You are firmly in touch with your "inner Archie"!
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TAKE A RORSCH-ARCH TEST
The Rorsch-Arch Test was developed by the Department of Archieological Studies here at the University of West Collingswood, New Jersey, in order to investigate the subject's (i.e. a Hornblower television viewer) imagination, thought processes, reflex hallucinations, intelligence, and personality through viewing the "accidental forms" of inkblots.
Unfortunately, the latest federal grant was used up before I could figure out a way to make this test truly interactive. However, if you write down your impressions as you look at the following inkblots, you'll be able to compare them with the most common interpretations, and what they mean, when you reach the end of the presentation.
for the test
ESSAYS
#1. In 500 words or less, and incorporating the principles and tenets of Social Darwinism, Cartesian dualism, nature vs. nurture, nationalism vs. globalism, Epicureanism vs. Stoicism, Freudism vs. Jungism, and Visa vs. Mastercard, and using as many subordinate clauses as possible (like this question), explain why Archie is often perceived as being weaker and more emotional than Horatio, when we never see Archie shed a single tear or molecule of mucous, whereas Horatio carries on quite shamelessly in front of Captain Pellew in The Wrong War.
#2. Using as many words as you darn well please, explain the maternal/lustful dichotomy Archie arouses in an inordinate number of female viewers.
#3. If Archie were a tree, what kind of tree would he be? (I know; I deserve the cat for this one!)
#4. Discuss the "fiyah"=command abilities correlation, paying particular attention to Buckland's "f-f-fire-neeeooo-I-did-NOT-say" variation, as compared/contrasted to the gusty bellowing of Horatio, Archie, and Bush.
#5. Pray explain why Archie is sometimes said to be "superfluous" in HH2, when nobody ever questions why Horatio "The Man Alone" still has a mentor in Matthews at this point, or what precisely Styles' wall-climbing scene in Retribution contributed to the proceedings. Extra credit will be given for finding any justification whatsoever for Randall's dance sequence.
#6. Archie is not dead. Prove it.
SCORING
Heck, anyone who even attempts these automatically deserves an A!