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THE HORATIO HORNBLOWER EXPERIENCE



Samples from another landmark album: Are You Experienced?  Features the foremost of "power trios" ...  


1. Purple Face
     (the Marquis de Moncoutant's, ah, "expressive" thespianic style)
"Purple face, boiling brain
Things in Muzillac won't seem the same
Actin' funny, the camp runs high
'Scuse me while I fast-forward this guy!

Purple face, eyes are round
Don't know if they're bulging up or down
Has he considered corrective surgery?
Whatever it is, that Frog annoys the hell out of me!"

2. Manic Depression
     (if ever a song was written for Archie ... )

3. Hey Ed
     (one of Pellew's especially timely interventions, in "The Duel")
"Hey Ed, where ya goin' with that gun in your hand?
Hey Ed, I said where ya goin' with that gun in your hand?
I'm gonna shoot that old Simpson
I caught him messin' around with my midshipmen
And that ain't too cool!"

4. Love or Confusion
     (only the latter can possibly account for Horatio's infatuation with Mariette)

5. May This Be Love
     (put the chicken *back*, Styles ... )
"What a fowl, nothing will harm you at all
Your worries will seem so very small
With me; what a fowl.

I can hear you clucking for me
Through the shouting men
Oh my, what a fowl ..."

6. I Don't Live Today
     (Archie's not going to take it anymore in "The Duchess and The Devil")

7. The Wind Cries Mariette
     (a sort-of lament for Horatio's lost love)
"After all the Lobsters are in their camps
And the Frogs have all gone to bed
You can hear that monotone grating down the street
Voice like a loaf of white bread
And the wind whispers 'Mariette'

An audience is drearily sweeping
Up the broken pieces of this girl's 'career'
Somewhere Kate Hepburn is weeping
Somewhere The Duchess sheds a tear
And the wind, it cries 'Mariette' ... "

8. Fiyah
     (when in the heat of battle ...)
"You're gonna shoot at me
I don't care about that
Got a new gun, ha!
I like it like that
I have only one burning desiyah
Let me stand up and yell 'Fiyah!'

Let me stand up and yell 'Fiyah!'
Let me stand up and yell 'Fiyah!'
Let me stand up and yell 'Fiyah!'
Let me stand up and yell 'Fiyah!' ..."

[repeat six million times]

9. Third Blond Down the Drain
     (the subtle but unmistakable "blond=death" motif that runs through the series)
"Oh strange twists of fate we've seen
For those with tresses of a yellow sheen
The notorious Simpson
The angry Bunting
Hunter and his fruit stomp scene

Although Horatio wonders me
With his lucky brunette locks
One thing I do not understand
So to you I must question when
Will poor Archie meet his own 'blond end' ?"

10. Poxy Lady
     (Mariette again.  Dear me -- I am hard on that girl, aren't I?)
"Poxy ...
Poxy ...
You know you are a lame little tear-maker
Poxy, yeah
And you know you are a bad injured-ankle faker
Poxy ...
I wanna turn you off
I won't watch you no more
You've got to be on 'mute,' on 'mute'
Ooh, Poxy Lady ... "

11. Are You Experienced?
     (hope this doesn't make anyone throw up, but it seemed too perfect for The Duchess and
her walks with our hero)
"If you can just get your mind together
And try some quips with me
We'll have conversations and promenade
On cliffs by the sea
But first ...
Are you experienced?
Ah!  Have you ever been experienced?
Well, I have ... "




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